How do you get an astronaut’s baby to stop crying? You rocket. Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? It lost its filling. Why did the orange stop halfway across the road? It ran out of juice. What kind of music scares balloons? Pop music.
How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste. Why shouldn’t you trust trees? They seem shady. What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What’s more unbelievable than a talking dog? A spelling bee. How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut. Why did the cowboy adopt a wiener dog? He wanted to get a long little doggy. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? Just in case he got a hole in one. Why did the boy bring a ladder on the bus? He wanted to go to high school. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies! How do celebrities keep cool? They have many fans. What do you call a cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese! Why can't the sailor learn the alphabet? Because he kept getting lost at C. What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear? 14 carrot gold. Why do nurses like red crayons? Sometimes they have to draw blood. Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot. What invention allows us to see through walls? Windows. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear. What happens when doctors get frustrated? They lose their patients. What did one plate say to another plate? Tonight, dinner's on me.ĭid you hear about the king that went to the dentist? He needed to get crowns. Why did the girl toss a clock out the window? She wanted to see time fly. What’s the best air to breathe if you want to be rich? Millionaire. Just make sure the pencil’s not broken because that would be, ahem, pointless. So, get ready to take notes because these dad jokes are so awesome, you’ll want to write them all down.
If you're having a few cocktails with the crew, crack them up with “I used to be banker, but I lost interest.” Or if things get awkward over the holidays, bust out a few Thanksgiving or Christmas jokes to lighten the mood.